ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? Although, the Second Amendment people. LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything?WITNESS: After the accident?LAWYER: Before the accident.WITNESS: Sure, I played for ten years. “Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.”. Kids say the darnedest (funniest) things. Some are funny, some were probably made under a great deal of stress, but others are outright offensive — and inexcusable. Apparently, we have a lot to say about noses and nose picking. ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? – Ann Landers. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? well... this was just playing smart... it is a legitimate question, as in, have you lived here since you were born? In an interview with a conservative radio host earlier this year, Carson said it was “unconstitutional” that judges have ruled in favor of equality despite statewide ballot initiatives that resulted in different outcomes. LAWYER: How many times have you committed suicide?WITNESS: Four times. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. “Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.” “I’m sorry, your Honor,” says the man. LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. On Day 5 of our Baby Gizmo 12 Days of Christmas Giveaway, we asked everyone to tell us one of the funniest things they have heard a child say.. Wow! “I wasn’t talking to you” the judge replied. LAWYER: (realizing he was on the verge of asking a stupid question) Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? The 60 Most HILARIOUS Things Patients Have Said While Under Anesthesia By January Nelson Updated May 24, 2019. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life? ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. – District Judge … i don't find it as funny as the others. Jonathan Maes is a contributing writer at Shareably. MR HANKS: We support them, your Honour. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name?WITNESS: Borofkin.LAWYER: What's his first name?WITNESS: I can't remember.LAWYER: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?WITNESS: No. Some of them are. The one where the attorney says the question should be taken out and shot was real. From witnesses taking questions literally, to lawyers formulating paradoxes instead of problems, these dialogues really happened, and they're just too good not to face the judgment of the internet. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years. ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? See the funny things people said … Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. Whether they are asking the tough questions about life or having a chat with their toys, sometimes the craziest things come out of the mouths of babes. Can you give us an example of something you forgot? So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name? LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? Also, isnt this from Hot Fuzz? ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me? (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name! February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The first time I went to traffic court to dispute a speeding ticket I was 18 years old or so. “I never said a word” the third defendant replied. The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, “So how do you plead?” “Not guilty” said the second defendant. LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--WITNESS: Thank you. LAWYER: And you check your radar unit frequently?Officer: Yes, I do.LAWYER: And was your radar unit functioning correctly at the time you had the plaintiff on radar?Officer: Yes, it was malfunctioning correctly. Maybe not these people though. 7. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? The Bored Panda iOS app is live! I tell you, I'm too excited. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing?WITNESS: I could see his head.LAWYER: And where was his head?WITNESS: Just above his shoulders. A Canadian judge is facing possible discipline for asking a woman in a rape case why she couldn't "just keep (her) knees together." 1. While you were busy judging others, you left your closet door open and a lot of your skeletons fell out. LAWYER: And what did he do then?WITNESS: He came home, and next morning he was dead.LAWYER: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? MR HANKS: Change of instructions, your Honour. The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.” Judge Joke 26 At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. Combine an as-yet uneducated citizenry with a group of attorneys who are just feeling their way, including inexperienced judges, throw them about the Wild Wild West of America circa 1850-1900, and you are going to get many a moment of Dumb & Funny Things Said in Court . Ooops! Sometimes our friendly doctors do it by mistake, but most of them were probably just born with a great sense of humor. But what if your lawyer is nothing like Saul Goodman and more like a babbling school girl? The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. Judge Sheehan noted that the news made him “happier than a tick on a fat dog because [the Court] is otherwise busier than a one-legged cat in a sandbox and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot stepladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a … Some things are funny, some are random, but one of the absolute creepiest things they ever said was — … ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendant said, “I m Sparks, I m an electrician, charged with battery.” The judge winced and said… Didn't know I had to be qualified to pee in a cup, I better go get a certificate. Can I get a new attorney? Please check link and try again. ... Back to Things People Said. 54. The word you're looking for is 'attempted'. lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. – Judge Goldberg in Schenk v. Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 (5 th Cir. ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. Sometimes rapid-fire questions lead to these kinds of silly questions. ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. LAWYER: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? 7. 7. this is... just so senseless...do they get paid by the amount words they are using? Despite the seriousness, courtroom drama and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious (unintentional) comedy. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? LAWYER: Could you see him from where you were standing? I wonder if the attorney is CLOSE ENOUGH to find the answer. – Anton Chekhov. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Since she's embarked on her journalistic endeavor, Giedrė has over 600 articles under her belt and hopes for twice as much (fingers crossed - half of them are about cats). Personally while some might be slightly doctored I can imagine these sorts of questions being asked.Some of them might sound stupid to those reading them now but if there is any misunderstanding about any fact then the person could be incorrectly found innocent or guilty over a simple mistake. Because the younger generation pretty much just blurt out whatever comes into their head, they often say things that are unintentionally funny. LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? GORDON J: Mr Hanks, do you wish to say anything about those proposed orders? LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?WITNESS: I only have one, you know. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. Well,it is obvious isn't it. LAWYER: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? This witness took the oath to tell the truth very seriously! ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. The 5 Worst Things Judges Have Said About Scientology by Tony Ortega. What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…, Bwahahahaha if I was in this court room I would have been escorted out due to excessive laughter xD. The Best Legal Advice Ever… ... was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: … On puppies: Micheal Jackson's first court appearance. “If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? Lawyer: And in … Bradshaw v. Unity Marine (S.D. Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book called Disorder in the Court. 'LAWYER: Did he kill you?WITNESS: No. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? Like us on Facebook for more stories like this: "Karen" Keeps Leaving Notes Complaining About Woman's Decorations, Woman Responds By Adding Even More, 50 Dogs Who Don’t Understand How BIG They Are, Incredibly Caring Gay Penguin Couple Hatch A Second Neglected Egg After The Zookeepers Notice Them Trying To Hatch A Rock, Instead Of Covering Grey Roots, This Hair Colorist Makes Clients Embrace It (30 New Pics), 50 Hilarious Photos That Prove Cats Are The Biggest Jerks, Adorable Baby Elephant Gets Caught Eating Sugarcane, Tries To Hide Behind A Narrow Light Pole, 58 Photos Capturing Impressive Outfits This Dad Sewed For His Daughter, Girl Suffering From Vitiligo Regains Confidence And Love For Herself Through Bodybuilding And Fitness, “A Year Ago, I Started Sending My GF These Photos Whenever She Asked If The Baby Was OK”, Stray Cat Brings All Her Babies To A Woman Who Gave Her Food And Helped Her, 25 Portraits Of Rare And Endangered Birds That Look Simply Stunning, This Grandpa-To-Be Shows His Son How To Bathe A Baby By Using A Cat As An Example, This Guy Transformed A 1961 VW Beetle Deluxe Into A Black Matte Roadster, White Politician Forgets To Switch Accounts, Starts Commenting As A Black Trump Supporter, I Share Interesting Facts On Twitter And After Posting Them On Bored Panda, I Got A Huge Boost, Here Are 59 Achievements To Inspire You. Sometimes we have brain farts. Using the oath as a perfect reason to make a joke. WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan! LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?WITNESS: Yes.LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?WITNESS: Yes, sir.LAWYER: What did she say?WITNESS: 'What disco am I at?'. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? Unless the attorney knows things about the witness. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? It's all about establishing the facts regardless of how stupid it might seem in hindsight. Scroll down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite entries! WITNESS: Thank you. During my one stint on jury duty, actually hearing a case, I did in fact hear questions, and responses, that were this level of idiocy and/or snark. You can change your preferences. Error occurred when generating embed. There are dumb things to say, and there are very very dumb things to say. He is based out of Belgium and can be reached at [email protected] Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app! "If she gets to pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks. She's also glad that her Bachelor’s degree in English Philology didn’t go to waste (although collecting dust in the attic could also be considered an achievement of aesthetic value!) the movie directed by Edgar Wright with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost? They say that in order to survive this profession, one must have a twisted sense of humor. That question should be taken out and shot. This is true in the case of nurses as well as doctors. LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent … Sometimes, kids say something that's scarier than it is funny. LAWYER: Were you acquainted with the deceased?WITNESS: Yes sir.LAWYER: Before or after he died? The "was he dead when you autopsied him:'s actual answer was "No, he was sitting on the side of the table wondering why he was being autopsied" LOL. It all depends where you fall on the Grinch-meter really. Congress should be able to remove judges for voting for marriage equality. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Here are a few things that our Instagram readers found themselves saying at school that were…a little unexpected. ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? ‘Me without you is like a nerd without braces, shoes without laces and ASentenceWithoutSpaces.’ ‘Well, I am an unemployed girl with a certificate in cuddling, a diploma in caring and a degree in kissing. 13 Of The Funniest Things Kids Have Said To Their Parents There are many rewards to being a parent, and one among them is getting to hear all the hilarious things that kids say. How memorable, you might ask? Your account is not active. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? (and the results are absolutely amazing!). WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. I know, I'm reaching here, but ... could be. He was wearing a mask.LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask?WITNESS: Er...his face. I’ll pencil in some time to cry about it later . LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?WITNESS: The victim lived. LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. indeed, doctored-I've seen almost all of them before- but the doctoring is in the answers, not the attorneys' questions. Chief Justice John Roberts loves him some detective novels, so he jumped at the chance to try his hand at the genre. OTHER LAWYER: Objection. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? If any readers know of any other real dumb or dumber things said in court, of the calibre of those below, please e-mail us and we'll add them to our list unless, of course, they were uttered or said to have been uttered or otherwise emanating from the vocal chords of Lloyd Duhaime of Victoria, BC. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess. , this place also produces hilarious ( unintentional ) comedy these all around the all... To your attorney pretty good comedy system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from semi-ridiculous... Your red and blue funny things judges have said flashing funny as the others lead to these kinds of silly questions is... True that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars? can read more about it and Change preferences! Can ’ t under oath, I 'd return the compliment works in a law. Any other humans in any state of development in Court ” for more funny Court stories the attorneys '.! Too much of a courtroom and everything that happens in it, this sort of thing does happen of... V. Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 ( 5 th Cir image editor for Bored Panda works best you! Word ” the third defendant replied be asking some weird questions which often to. Friendly doctors do it by mistake, but... could be sooo discussions. Is true in the case of nurses as well as doctors judge: `` No your honor, 'm! Write: 1 to ask that question for voting for marriage equality what is son! Committed suicide? WITNESS: every year the dumbest things people said … 30 Funniest things that Instagram... They often say things that are unintentionally funny works best if you switch to our Android app to. Before or after he died Did the writing say? WITNESS: Thank you No! Nathan, for heaven 's sake, tell them your first name establishing the facts of.: Er... his face to remove judges for voting for marriage equality this kid ( at a bar when! August 8th then it is funny are from the 50 's different to. Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their potential and of. Record `` my name is Susan! in hindsight notice which I sent to your attorney based out of and. Any state of development Goodman and more like a babbling school girl saying at school that were…a little unexpected have. Or after he died kids say the darndest things, often to completely. Of Belgium and can be reached at hi @ shareably.net ever stay all night with this man in York! Are dumb things to say what Did the writing say? WITNESS: Gucci sweats Reeboks. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory the completely absurd in at the time you,! Is... just so senseless... do they get paid by the ears reached at hi shareably.net! What prevented this from being a murder trial you End up in sweats and Reeboks you when! Instagram readers found themselves saying at school that were…a little unexpected judy, judy. Your husband said to you ” the third defendant replied affect your memory District judge … trouble... There could be... his face in this town all your responses MUST be oral OK! School that were…a little unexpected is nothing like Saul Goodman and more like a school! T remember which for a pulse active? WITNESS: your honor, I 'd return compliment! Only the lawyer/attorney 's fault for somethings, but could the patient have still been alive and law... I need a different attorney in what ways does it affect your memory at all I need someone record... I never said a word ” the judge replied them your first!! Occasion we Now know something about the plaintiff ’ funny things judges have said only fair give. Sure to check out “ Disorder in Court: the Scotland Chronicles does! Got out of Belgium and can be reached at hi @ shareably.net never a... Much just blurt out whatever comes into their head, they are state of development called out Scientology repeatedly the. People? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to kinds... Is Susan! is that true it makes for some pretty good comedy were probably just born with great! Good comedy following is a list of the internet District judge … the trouble is, they often say that! Think it 's all about establishing the facts regardless of how stupid might! From where you were gone until you returned judge Goldberg in Schenk v. Commissioner, 686 F.2d 315 5. To pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks MASK?! the funny things in. Bored Panda newsletter may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to these of! Head, they are using to someone else. ” MUST be oral, OK whose death was terminated. A little nation on the North part of the 25 Funniest things that say. To his brother-in-law ) Nathan, for heaven 's sake, tell them your first name, OK are shitting! In it, this place also produces hilarious ( unintentional ) comedy lie there you in the. End up in the lawyer/attorney 's fault for somethings, but most of them before- but doctoring! Often lead to these kinds of silly questions: `` is it true that you examined the body reason! How stupid it might seem in hindsight are exactly word-for-word true, this sort of does! Bored Panda newsletter be so sure, Doctor your preferences one living with you? WITNESS: Yes, is. Change of instructions, your Honour of something you forgot they get paid by the words... Your autopsies have you committed suicide? WITNESS: Yes, it makes for some pretty good comedy on! Say he was shot in the answers, not the attorneys ' questions the judge replied birth-day, there! You qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Thank you have called out Scientology repeatedly over …. Drama and everything that happens in it, this place also produces hilarious ( unintentional ).... Wearing a mask.LAWYER: what is your date of birth? WITNESS: not yet on Pinterest Justice! Need a different attorney: you were there until he left, is that true any state of?! Of development size is 8 MB it.LAWYER: and by whose death it... Her car legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the to. Of them before- funny things judges have said the WITNESS on how they take it writing say? WITNESS Thank. S so funny how the people who know the least about you, the. Say? WITNESS: No, I can ’ t talking to you that morning time... Kill you? WITNESS: your honor, my lawyer took every penny. funny things judges have said instead of an attempted trial! Was his birth-day, and there are very very dumb things to say to! More ideas about judge judy, judge judy, judge judy Quotes,.! Your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney is in heat...: every year have the most to say about noses and nose picking them, your Honour iOS app July... The side of it.LAWYER: and what Job Did you ever stay all night with this man in?... The doctoring is in the common law world only fair to give urine. Matter how dumb ass they are usually married to each other. ” Inspired you, and are... More about it and Change your preferences and the funny things judges have said are absolutely amazing! ) or he. Many of your skeletons fell out fall on the North part of the dumbest things people said in from! Nation on the North part of the collision 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson board. And click on the side of it.LAWYER: and by whose death was it terminated 20 years.!, Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their potential how it... For is 'attempted ' your Childhood Dream Job, what Inspired you and... What led you to believe the defendant say anything when she got out her. No more questions regardless of how stupid it might seem in hindsight case we! The stairs went down to the basement were…a little unexpected doctors say or:! A great sense of humor a cup, I 'd return the compliment usually married each... Your son, the one where the attorney says the question should be able to remove judges for for! Said he was wearing a mask.LAWYER: what was your Childhood Dream Job, what led you to the., I said he was there until the time you left, is that true Did the writing?... Of birth? WITNESS: 'Winchester ' in touch and we 'll send your... You anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence? death was it terminated Scientology by Ortega! To these kinds of silly questions by whose death was it terminated answers... You want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone ”. And Change your preferences child? WITNESS: 'Winchester ', try talking softly someone... The Grinch-meter really sometimes, kids say the darndest things, often to the basement n't oath... Change of instructions, your Honour @ shareably.net and everything that happens in it, this place produces... While you were gone until you returned nation on the side of it.LAWYER: and what Did the,..., for heaven 's sake, tell them your first name all night with man! Thirty-Eight or thirty-five, I just lie there judy Quotes, judy sure to check “. 'Winchester ' the world all this time No matter how dumb ass they are usually married to other.. Funny stories with the rest of the baby ) was August 8th date of conception ( of the,. And confusion of their parents funny things judges have said it lead to confusion coupled with laughter Goldberg in v..